I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
