I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
