I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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