Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize