imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
