I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
