I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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