dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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