Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
