Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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