literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
