tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
