Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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