Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
