you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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