the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
