He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
