If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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