i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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