I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
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Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize