if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
