when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
