1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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