i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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