So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
