I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
