I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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