I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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