yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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