i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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