After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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