I wannas sexs uuuuu
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
