You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
