I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
