i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
