I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
BRING THE BAGELS
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
