No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
