dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
