The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
