UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
