Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
