if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
