but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
