Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
