the condom got lost in my hair
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
