I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
