Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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