forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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