lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
