Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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