watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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