brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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