Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
