It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
