My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just had sex bonerless
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
