For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
