He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
