he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
